Soooo running a Unity instance on the server is not a good idea. This whole time I've been developing a game wanting to run Unity on the server and worrying that maybe it wasn't a good idea, maybe it wouldn't be possible due to performance issues. And now I've finally tested it and it's worse than I ever imagined. Even a barebones Unity project running in -batchmode -nographics eats up 30MB of memory. That seems like a lot. The default t2.medium server barely managed to run 2 or 3 instances of my game before it became impossible to launch new instances.
So what should I do? Is anyone using TNet with PlayFab? That looks like it might be more appropriate. Photon doesn't seem like an option - no custom server code in the cloud hosted option and the standalone server licenses are expensive considering I don't want to use most of their features. I just want a simple lightweight messaging service where I can customise the server. DarkRift seems like another good option but the developer is currently working on DarkRift2 so there's no point using the old one and the new one isn't ready yet.
I would love to hear what anyone else is using for their server builds (with Unity clients)!